Its been a busy month of ups and downs and pants. There’s been lots going on (good and bad) and at first I didn’t think I’d made much progress with my weight loss this month, but when I stopped and really thought about it I realised that I have made some good “mental” progress and that is as important as what the scales say.

Ups (and downs…)

I had a fabulous trip to Berlin, lots of bratwurst, beer and wine, but also LOTS of walking. Sorry to anyone that was in a Fitbit challenge with me that week – there was a lot to see! I was over the moon when I got back and my weight stayed the same. I had fully expected to put at least a couple of pound on. The flip side of that was a week of unplanned meals and emotional eating following some illness in the family, which resulted in me putting 3lb on.

I was obviously pretty disappointed, but I had a chat with Jennie about it and I’ve realised that’s the next step for me, tackling the reasons I eat, not just what I eat.

I can now generally recognise when I’m eating my emotions and I’m getting better at stopping that in its tracks. However, I still view food as a “treat” and reward myself with food, and that’s proving to be a hard habit to break. Just being aware of it has helped enormously and I’m gradually replacing the “Yay, It’s Friday – where’s the wine?” mental conversations with “Yay, It’s Friday and I’ll have some wine if I really want some wine but do I actually really want some?”. More often than not I convince myself I really do want wine. It’s a slow job, I just keep reminding myself that I’ll get there eventually

Pants on the up 

My other mental win is pants, quite literally pants (well, leggings but close enough). I’m starting to ramp up my triathlon training and it’s occurred to me that I will have to wear a wetsuit! Pus, as nudity results in instant disqualification (it really does), I’ll have to wear whatever I’m going to cycdiamondsle and run in underneath my wetsuit!! Which means it will have to be skin tight!!!

Frankly, this terrified me more than the actual race. Up until this point I have always worn trackie bottoms to exercise in. I am conscious of my lower body, I carry most of my weight round my hips, thighs and bottom and I’ve never had what you’d call dainty ankles so it’s no real surprise that I do all I can to keep everything well hidden.

Then I realised I’d HAVE to wear some sort of legging, or even, horror of horrors, SHORTS! Then I had a bit of a revelation. Who cares what I look like running a triathlon? To be honest, who will probably even notice what I look like? And if they do and they don’t like it, well – that’s their problem not mine.  So I bought myself some running leggings. Then I lost my nerve again and they sat, complete with tags, in my bedroom for a week. Just looking at me.  Eventually I realised I was being ridiculous so I wore them to a session with Jennie. I reasoned that no one but me and her would see them and………. I love them.

I absolutely love them

invincible

feeling invincible in my pants

It probably helps that they fit well and they’re nice, thick, good quality ones but I feel sort of…. invincible when I wear them, like a proper athlete. I’ve always known that the right clothes can change how you feel about yourself but I never expected to get that from sports clothing. Since then I’ve worn them out running and to the gym several times, I was a bit self-conscious at first but now I really don’t care what I look like because I feel great. Weirdly I also run faster when I’m wearing them too so that’s a win all round I’d say!

Pants on the down 

Pants have been a bit of a theme for me over the past few weeks, I’ve been having an ongoing dilemma where my work trousers are too big for me but the next size down (same make, style and everything, just one size smaller) won’t even do up.  It’s got to the stage where people I work with have been commenting on how big they are. Which is nice, but not when they’re saying it because they think you’re trying to dress like a teenage rapper.

It came to a head when the weight of a phone in each pocket proved too much for them. Luckily (thank god!) I caught them before they fell down but I did have to spend the next 10 minutes stood talking to my boss’s boss with my hands jammed in my pockets to keep them up. I must have looked fairly odd but at least I just about escaped with my dignity intact.

Oh, and the smaller ones still don’t do up so it looks like I’ll be spending the time until my next update shopping for new trousers (or can I wear my running leggings to work…..?)

Maria x

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Read Marias story here, and catch up on last months update. 

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